Kacey's Nog- Where a Novel meets a Blog

Kacey's Nog- Where a Novel meets a Blog
Finally putting it all down on "paper"

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Getting my smarts on.

Today, well, actually about a week ago, I felt I should start playing chess again. Chess is a great game.  During the 6 years that I have been dealing with my back injury, I've been given quite a few medications from many doctors- all treating me together, but not really communicating with one another. I swear some of those medications should never have been mixed, but since  I'm about 8 years short of a PhD, who am I to question.

What I do know is that those pills make me stupid. No, I'm serious- short term memory issues, heck, 20 second memory issues... hearing issues, and each time my back goes out, and the meds come back into the picture, I forget more and more of my past and how to do things I used to be good at.  Chess was one of them. Playing the flute, and reading music are two others, and the latter has me rather sad- but that's another post for another time.

So, I broke out the pre-installed chess game that came with my snazzy Microsoft Office 7 on the laptop, and found out I remembered nothing except how far, and in which direction I can move my own pawn. That's it. I was pretty bummed because John and I used to play chess together- I even have my own board made of maple and cherry- it's very pretty. Anyway, I was sad, because here was an example of something I was pretty good at, really enjoyed, and I'd forgotten 99% of everything about the game.

I went online and found a free download, that gave me 60 minutes of free playing time before I had to buy it if I wanted it permanently. I started the tutorial right away.        

I wanted to familiarize myself with each piece, it's role in this checkered army, and where each piece could move, how it captured, and which moves were legal.  I must say, I learned  things I didn't know before, and then my free 60 minutes was up, and I was only half way through the tutorial. Argh!!

Well, I bought the game, and made a snazzy spreadsheet of a chessboard (Yes, being unemployed, I actually miss making spreadsheets) along with basic rules and what each piece does. I played a couple of games today against a monkey- no seriously...the lowest level of the game I bought had the avatar of a Monkey. That primate kicked my butt.

I'm hoping that re-learning to play chess will help my brain get back what the drugs have weakened and that I can start to feel smart again. Plus, I'm certain improving my brain power will help me in daily activities and also once I start school in the fall/winter of this year. I realize there isn't anything particularly special about this post. I'm merely informing my meager, yet amazing 7 followers that I'm trying to restore my brain to the pre-narcotic and pre-steroid days (all doctor prescribed) and that I find Chess fascinating. I wonder if my dad knew how to play?

On a completely unrelated note, I do love my new magic shoes. They make walking almost effortless, and really help me stand up straight. I do feel the burn when I use them, but compared to regular tennis shoes, these things are amazing, and I believe they are helping to further increase my strength and bring healing to my back much faster, than if I just kept my regular tennis shoes.  That makes me happy.  I still have pain, but I sense the healing taking root.

Have a blessed night everyone!


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

An Ode to Cilantro

Anyone that knows me fairly well, knows that I cannot stand cilantro. I can handle it in small doses, as in two leaves per quart of Salsa...but for some reason, that herb and I are not compatible. I also don't like dill or capers, but so far I've not written any poems or prose pertaining to those items.

I wrote this Ode in March of 2008 on or around the time that the Next Food Network Star reality show was airing.  I understand that generally an ode is a praise of something or someone, however "The Slamming of Cilantro" didn't sound right, so its an ode- a very loose ode. :)

Enjoy my Ode...and have a good night. :)

Cilantro, Cilantro so green and so leafy
To others you look like a cousin of Parsley

Your taste is so strong
Like pot in a bong
And I've tried really hard to like you...

I went to Chipotle
Because it is Friday
And ordered a chicken burrito-

With cilantro lime rice and little black beans
Your flavor is truly not what it seems

I dissected my meal
and I thought "what's the deal?"

And was saddened by what I discovered.

So many flecks of your green leafiness
Had invaded my Mexican supper.

So I picked and I tossed every green piece I saw
so my burrito is now without flaw.

One final note, which I feel I must make

Oh, why can't you just taste like CAKE!?!?! 

Okay, I'm officially signing out for the evening. I think I've done enough creative works for the day.

An Ode to Twinkies

I actually wrote this in January of 2009- but felt like sharing it tonight. I feel like I've gone through a lot of losses lately, and back in January of last year I learned that Twinkies were made with an ingredient that I've banned from my diet for both personal and health reasons.

Here is my Ode: (It starts out with a little introduction- this was posted on an online forum for "chefs" that I belong to)

I just found out that Twinkies are evil, and I cannot eat them anymore. Because I have recently fallen in love with the mini-twinkies that come in a 100 calorie snack pack, I was very sad to learn that they are basically one molecule away from being a plastic.

I decided to put my feelings down in black and white in hopes to work through my grief, and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Ode to Twinkies- by Kacey~

Twinkies, Twinkies, spongy cake,
Life without you makes my heart break.

Your creamy center is so delicious,
How can you NOT be more nutritious?

In all your golden sponge-cake splendor,
Your trans-fats do a plastic render

You clog our veins with edible sludge
Healthier than you is a pound of fudge!

I fell in love with you at first bite,
But my doctor says eating you isn't right.

Hydrogenated oils are not my friend,
So my relationship with you is near its end.

I will delight in your spongy goodness one more time,
And think fondly upon the fact that you once were mine.



Ninja Granny's and the YMCA...

Well, I just got back from my first water aerobics therapy class at the YMCA.  I only cried 3 times, but I think only the instructor noticed. I was the youngest by about 25 years, and the slowest by far. To the inventor of truly waterproof mascara- I salute you. To the doctor that felt doing this without pain medication of any type was a good idea- Be happy I don't believe in Voodoo Retribution any more...

So, my experience at the YMCA today had to be Nogged about, and I felt it should be done with a song. Yes, I wrote a song about what water aerobics with the grandma's was like.   It must be sung to the tune of "Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer". I'm sorry- but the other tune I had in my head was the Star Spangled Banner, and I had a heck of a time coming up with the right words to that tune...

Please enjoy my interpretive song of my perception of my experience at the "Y" today.

I just got run over by some grannies,
In the pool at my YMCA
They cruised past me faster than a cheetah
I almost drowned, but now think I'm OK.

These grannies look completely harmless,
But under flowered bathing suits I know-
That they're really water ninjas
And to kill me will only take just one quick blow!

If you find me floating in the deep end
It's cause I moved too slowly for dear Maude
Water Aerobics training isn't easy,
These grannies are out to get me, Help me God!
Don't let the smiles fool you...I'm telling you- they are cold hearted, speed water demons with dentures!
Just a bunch of random things I feel like sharing...

  • When I was little I wanted to own a bakery
  • When I was little I wanted to be a cop
  • When I was little I wanted to be a paramedic
  • When I was little, I wanted to be Lucy from The Peanuts, and give people Psychiatric advice for $0.05.
  • When I was little, my dad died. 11 days before my 2nd birthday to be exact. I think I miss him, but I'm not sure- how do you miss someone you never got to really know? I dream about him, wonder about him, have quite a few of his personality traits...and one or two of his faults.  I wonder if it is just the idea of him not being here that I miss more than actually just missing him.
  • I love classical music. My favorite song is Marche Slave Op. 31  by Tchaikovsky.  My love of classical music came from my grandfather on my mother's side.  When we would visit my grandparents, my grandpa would come home from his job at the post office, have a drink, and listen to classical music, and close his eyes, sip his drink, and then when his glass was empty, we'd have dinner.   For some reason this song touches my soul, so I've included the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy-bDe6PBp0&feature=related
  • I'm allergic to watermelon. I wasn't always. I learned about this one summer shortly after being married. My throat started to swell and I got hives in my mouth. I miss watermelon. But not as much as I miss my father.
  • My best friend died when I was 15- it was my father's dad. My grandpa. He was the kindest and most wisest man I knew. I married my husband because I saw deep inside the traits of my grandfather in him- but God was still molding the clay of my husband's life...
  • I like boy cut panties. 
  • I have two chins
  • I have hair on my chins from having to take testosterone. I hated HRT... no one in their early 30's should ever have to take their hormones in a form of a pill and creams. It would just be nice if your body made them like they should.
  • I have two stomachs...but it is only noticeable when my jeans are too tight, or when I'm sitting in the tub. I could be bronzed and no one would know I wasn't a Buddha statue...well- except my eyes aren't shaped like his, and I do have a great head of hair.
  • I have great hair. I always have. 
  • I have green eyes. People keep telling me they are hazel. So I looked up the word Hazel in the dictionary...and, my eyes are green.
  • I love Grape Kool-aid
  • Sometimes I drink the Kool-aid
  • I love standing up for the underdog and wish I could go after every bad person, company, boss, ruler, parent, you name it, and fight for justice and truth and fix all the wrongs.
  • I have an over exaggerated sense of justice- think I'm teasing? See the above statement.
  • I am a fixer by nature. 
  • I have asked God to give me lightening bolt powers. So far, He's declined. I may start a petition...
  • I have Harry Potter's wand. It doesn't work. Yes, I was actually hoping it would when I took it out of its packaging. I have some justice to attend to... kidding, I'll let God take care of it.
  • I am amazing- and I'm not saying that in a narcissistic way. I mean that as a tribute to God who created me.
  • I feel I have more masculine personality traits than I do feminine, yet I wear my heart on my sleeve like a woman. 
  • I like three-quarter length sleeves.
  • I'm stubborn- it's the Irish in me.
  • I'm obstinate- it's the German in me
  • I'm a fighter- it's the Austrian in me
  • I like nice things, It's the English in me... Now, where did I put that tiara?
  • I'm adorably cute- I will give credit where credit is due, my parents were both good looking. Thank you, Lord! 
  • I feel like my work here on earth is not yet done-
  • I feel like I have something to save or fix that is big- it may actually be very small by definition but he repercussions will be very big- like they'll snowball for generations- in a good way.
  • I feel like I'm constantly at odds with myself. Every personality test I take shows that my two strongest characteristics are ones that are opposites on the spectrum, and don't normally go together/or contradict one another.
  • I like white tennis shoes with baby blue, or lavender trim.
  • I want to be a chef
  • I want to be a Criminal Psychologist
  • I want to learn Karate and some day hope to bust a hunk of wood with my foot.
  • I need to be more disciplined
  • I love Cinnabons, and cannot eat one unless I have another tub of extra frosting on it.
  • I also need to learn moderation
  • I love fast cars
  • I would love to be a mechanic
  • I've always wanted larger breasts-
  • I want a tattoo, and will get one once my back  is healed
  • I thought for sure my husband would be over 6 feet tall, have black hair and blue eyes. I'm not disappointed at all that he's nothing like that.
  • I believe in love at first sight. Even though realistically and logically you cannot love something or someone that you do not know- it's not possible. So maybe I believe that I knew who my husband was going to be the first time I laid eyes on him.
  • I want a Camero but dislike Chevy's very much. 
  • I also want a Dodge Charger... I like Hemi's.
  • I want a BMW
  • I have a lot of wants. I think I may be spoiled.
  • I have been called a white bread princess before. I often wonder why I wasn't called a wheat bread, or rye bread princess...
  • I like dinner rolls
  • I don't like bread.
  • Clearly I'm a walking contradiction
  • I do like french toast though.
  • I get sick from syrup
  • I am allergic to chocolate, but eat it anyway- it's worth it...sometimes
  • I thought I'd own a horse by now
  • I never thought I'd get fluffy
  • I never thought God would take so long to answer my prayers for healing in my back. I'm still waiting and it has been 6 years. 
  • I've been infertile for 13+ years and am waiting for that prayer to be answered, too.
  • I like red grapes more than green ones.
  • I think worms are cool. 
  • When I see a worm on the ground during a rain shower, I put him in the grass. I wouldn't want to die on an asphalt driveway, so why should the worm?
  • I will save a lady bug that is trapped in my house
  • My favorite bug is a lady bug- there are personal reasons behind that.
  • When I get my horse, I'm going to name him D'Artagnan- after the 4th Musketeer in the Disney version of the 3 Musketeers with Keifer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen and Oliver Platt, and Chris O'Donnell, as of course, young D'Artagnan...
  • I would've called the horse Dart for short. 
  • I never thought I'd still be living in MN
  • I would love twin sons
  • I would name them William and Matthew.
  • My husband does not like those names.
  • I had a dream that I had a daughter named Selah Grace...
    (pronounced 'See-luh'
  • I don't really like ice cream- but I think I already said that.
  • I repeat things I say quite a bit.
  • I don't like cilantro, dill, capers, oysters, celery root or shell fish. 
  • I wrote an Ode to Cilantro
  • I wrote an Ode to Twinkies. I love Twinkies, but am anti- High Fructose Corn Syrup- just put real sugar in stuff for the love of Bea Arthur...
  • I wold like to work for Shoebox Greetings, a tiny little division of Hallmark
  • I don't like our government and think that we should ship them off to an island- and do a reality show, like survivor.  The last two standing will take an oath in front of the American people and promise to abide by the Constitution, and rules set forth by our founding fathers, or understand that they will be fired. Plain and simple. Then, we'll start over...not sure how, but I think we need to start over
  • I think our nation needs to be prayed for daily
  • I like hockey.
  • I wish I was more like I think I am in my head
  • It's nice in my head, more people should join me there
  • I love taking Rorschach tests
  • I love all cop, detective, good vs. evil, medical, Private Eye TV show...anything to do with justice. 
  • I love Mexican food
  • I toot a lot if I eat onions
  • I don't like onions, but cook with them, as they do add a lot of flavor to many of my own personal thought up recipes. I prefer them cooked, I will not eat them raw. 
  • I wish I had more friends that lived close by
  • I wish I was able to put my thoughts down and finish the children's book idea that I've had for over 20 years.
  • I have written a few poems that are similar in style to Shell Silverstien, but have never shared them with anyone. I don't even know what box in what closet they are stored in.
  • I want to live by the ocean. It soothes me. Water soaks my soul and I find Jesus in the water
  • The only real fear I have is of drowning- which is ironic considering my previous comment.
  • I think adoption should be more affordable, and that older couples should not be discriminated against.
  • I think abortion is wrong, but I also think war isn't right, either. Killing is killing, a life is a life, no matter how vile we judge a person to be, or whether or not a fetus is a human to some and not to others, God made it clear that we are not the judge, he is, and we shall not kill.
  • I used to only think abortion was wrong, and that war and the death penalty were okay. Now, as someone who is fascinated by the damaged mind of wrongdoers, and mentally unstable, I want to dig into their thoughts and minds and lose the Holy Spirit on them instead, and after much soul searching feel all killing is wrong.
  • I believe that God allows me to suffer much so I can serve, save and bless many
  • I'm addicted to socks. You cannot have too many pairs of socks.
  • My favorite color is purple
  • My favorite color is turquoise
  • I have two favorite colors. Navy is nice, too- so make it an even three. Except 3 isn't an even number, so we should really say, make it an odd 3...
  • I wish I had the money to repaint every room in my house and put in new flooring and a new kitchen counter top.
  • I wish things in the dark would come out into the light
  • I believe I was meant to be a light to shine into the darkness to bring forth what is hidden and allow God to use me as he sees fit
  • I believe that as long as I'm doing what God calls me to do, I cannot be harmed.
  • I believe that this pain in my back is nothing compared to what Jesus felt on the cross. I actually have a few pain killers left- but haven't taken one of them. This is a trial for me, and I'm growing stronger in my faith and in my resolve and in my personality by dealing with the pain head on
  • I still do wish I could eliminate the pain.
  • I would love to be a super hero or a Jedi Knight.
  • If I was a super hero, I'd have super hearing, super strength, could read minds, trick minds, and could fight like Neo from the Matrix.
  • I think I fantasize and pretend too much in my head.
  • I have a lot in common with Harry Potter, I watch Harry Potter movies on only two occasions. When I miss my grandfather (on my father's side) or when I feel like the spiritual battle against me is getting to be too much for me to bear. For some reason, watching Harry Potter puts it all into perspective for me again. I know it's just a movie, but for me it's deeper. Mock if you must, but we all have a book, a song, a movie, a TV show that does something to us, that hits us deep in our hearts, and that we relate to.
  • Right now I think every cop, ambulance and fire truck in my city are rushing to a terrible accident of some type- there are a LOT of sirens going off.
  • I often dream of things before they happen- generally they involve things with friends or family, or friends or family of friends and family.
  • I can walk into a room and tell you what spirit is oppressing it, or what spirit of the Lord is there instead.
  • I'm not nuts, I'm gifted
  • I have a genius level IQ, but traditional schooling is very hard for me, and I have a reading comprehension learning disability.
  • I don't like cheerleaders-they're annoying. As people they have unsurpassable value and worth, but as cheerleaders, they should be locked in a closet...
  • That wasn't very nice of me
  • I have an evil twin
  • She doesn't like cheerleaders.
  • I can't snap
  • I can't do a cartwheel
  • I was a cheerleader for one  year- I hated it
  • I like to study people's minds and why they do what they do and say what they say, I'm intrigued by that kind of stuff. 
  • I often know what is bothering a person before they even know.
  • That seems to bother some people. 
  • I don't like pop tarts, but sometimes I crave them, so I'll eat them
  • I don't understand why we have AAA and AA batteries. Why not just A, B, C, D, E, F...and so on. 
  • Who came up with naming batteries anyway?
  • Why did Energizer decide a bunny would make a great mascot for them? There are faster and more powerful animals than a bunny...Just for that reason alone, I buy Duracell.
  • I think I'm done sharing random, personal, strange, weird, odd, vulnerable, raw, true things about myself for one night.
  • I like Wallace and Gromit and love to make things with clay, but don't do it very often due to my back.
  • I don't do a lot of the creative things God gifted me to do because of my back...
  • I'm tired and have to get up early for my first Water Aerobics Therapy class. I shaved my legs for this...it'd better be worth it. :)

Once my brain gets full again with strange thoughts and such, I'll empty it again. Thanks for reading.

Monday, May 17, 2010

I got new magic shoes!

I got new shoes yesterday. They look exactly like the pair on the left over there. They are by Skechers. (please feel free to pay me royalties, now that I am unemployed).  TSM (The Stud Muffin, aka: Dear Husband) was doing some research and felt that these might help me with my severe back injury. So out to a mall far, far away we traveled, by buggy. Kidding- we took the car, but the 40 minute drive was hard on my back.   Being that my
Uncle is Murphy, as in the Murphy who came up with 20 or so "Laws", we parked on the opposite end of where the store was that carried these shoes.

I walked, REALLY slowly. I'm almost certain hermit crabs could have beat me to the store had we laid down a course for them. But I held back the tears and walked through the mall with my hubby. At least the place smelled like cotton candy. :) Mmmm Cotton Candy.  But, I digress.

The gal at the store is really helpful. For legal reasons, they aren't allowed to help you put your shoes on any more, so thankfully TSM was there to help out. I can only lift my legs to put on socks, shoes, undies, if I have say a pant leg to grab hold of and use it to pull my leg towards me. If I don't have pants on, I'm sort of out of luck. Well, I tried on the shoes, and immediately felt better! (YAY)!!

So, we put my favorite New Balance (Sorry NB) in the now empty Skechers Shape-ups Box and I walked out of the store in my new, ugly shoes standing straighter than I had in weeks.

These are not just ANY shoe... oh, no sirree Bob.  (By the way, why is it always Bob that we're no sirring? Why not No Sirree Earl, or Chuck, or Carl?) And, you guessed it--- I digress.

So, back to my magic shoes. These little space aged funky soled shoes are supposed to lengthen and lean my body, tone my legs, buttocks, back and core, increase circulation, and get this- are you ready?  (shh, some one might be listening, so lean in close to the monitor, okay?) These magic shoes eliminate HAIL DAMAGE!...You heard me- they lessen cellulite.  Who wouldn't want a pair of these?

I mean, heck, I've never bore any children, so my hail damage and stretch marks are from a long line of prescription drugs that made me obese, then fat, then obese again, then thin, then obese, then just plain fluffy.  So, I'll be giving you all regular reports on the status of my gluteal hail damage...whether you want it or not. Secretly, you know you do. 

I was supposed to go walking in my new magic shoes today, but sneezed and thew my back out a little more than it was already thrown out. If my back were a baseball game, this one would have been way out in left field my friends...a triple play at least.

This is by far the most boring post in my NOG thus far, and I'm sorry. I'm just not on my game today. I'll try and do an entry tonight, because I have a lot of questions I'd like to ask about things I notice on day time television...

Enjoy the nice weather everyone, and wish me well with my new magic shoes. I know I'm looking forward to having the fanny of a 20 year old again.