Kacey's Nog- Where a Novel meets a Blog

Kacey's Nog- Where a Novel meets a Blog
Finally putting it all down on "paper"

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I've lost it!

Two pounds that is. I haven't lost my mind-yet. I'm actually pretty excited because normally when I start working out I gain weight because I've been blessed with the ability to build muscle pretty quickly.

I have decided that I'm certainly not going to go looking for these two pounds. No search and rescue team for me. They can stay lost.  I won't feel bad if they are scared, cold or hungry- no siree Bob!

Do you ever wonder why people say No Siree, Bob?  Why Bob? I've often wondered who decided Bob was the best name for that phrase.  Personally, I like No Siree, Chuck.  That has a nice ring to it, wouldn't you say? 

I wonder if people named Bob don't care for that phrase. I'll have to ask the next time I run across someone with the name, Bob.

So back to my weight loss extravaganza- The Stud Muffin (aka- my husband) and I have started biking every other day. We walk the dogs daily, and then add about a 3 mile bike ride to the mix every other day.  I'm still wheezing and gasping like an asthmatic 4 minutes into the ride, but today I only had to stop once, and that's an improvement by about 4 stops! :)

I cannot believe how much the muscles in my lower body BURN from biking. I don't remember such pain when I was 10, 12, or 16, or 19- just not fair.  Growing older does have its perks, but the pain in doing simple things like biking, or simple yard work, or cleaning- just not fair.  I was supposed to have children by now to help with these painful activities.

I'm excited to see what the next few weeks bring as I bike to strengthen my legs, and my back so that I'll be able to handle the physical demands of Cosmetology School.  Between my snazzy Shape-Ups by Sketchers and my snazzy bike by Schwinn, I should be looking sassy and foxy in no time! :)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

♪♫ Beauty School Drop Out ♪♫

I figured my huge following of adoring fans might be missing my prose, so I felt it was time to make an entry on my sad little Nog.

Almost 20 years ago, I was kicked out of Beauty School.  I wasn't given a reason, and at the time, was very naive to the world, and not used to mean or dishonest people, so those running the school scared me so effectively with their threats of never being able to get my license or attend another school ever again, stuck with me for almost two decades.  I believed them. I allowed fear to keep me from doing what I believe is a calling on my life.

It got me to thinking- How many decisions do we make based on fear? And, as a result how many things have we missed out on because of that fear?  I just spent the past 7,117+ days doing things that may not have been God's original will for me- making decisions based on what I thought was right for me or my family at the time, not based on what God said about it.  I also wonder how many times we fail to include God in all of our decisions, big and small.  I know I fail at that on a regular basis. I'm trying to ask God more and more on a regular basis if I am supposed to do something so that it can become a habit and so that I don't miss out on His best for me.

Alright, so back to my original reason for writing this entry.  After almost 20 years, I decided to forget about the fear and the threats made my former Beauty School administrators, and enroll in Cosmetology School- and FINISH this time! :)

I am a little nervous about my back injury getting in the way, but I truly hope and pray that God will honor my decision to get out and live my life despite the back injury and its propensity to go out almost every 6 weeks.  I pray He will honor my obedience to move on and do something and finish school even though it is a physically demanding occupation.  The hubby and I bought some bicycles and I'm riding every other day, and walking the dogs daily as well, so that bit of movement should help me shed a few pounds, which will help my back as well as strengthen muscles needed to stand and do hair. 

I have gotten to the point that after 6 years of making decisions based on whether or not something will hurt my back, that it is time to just do stuff and hope that God will honor that and the pain will not be debilitating, and that my healing will come.

I'm very excited about starting school in October. I am taking donations for my tuition and the black and white wardrobe I'll need for classes- :)

I'll need models and clients by the time Christmas rolls around, so feel free to contact me if you're interested.  Also, think about some of the things I have mentioned- what fears are keeping you from becoming the person that God had in mind? What blessings are you missing out on because of your fears?  Are there people in your past that have kept you from doing things you felt you were supposed to do in the future?

I think it's time to tell the devil and his minions of fear and intimidation, and insecurity to shove it! Don't you?

Friday, July 2, 2010

Oh won't you take me to, Funky Town? ♪♫

Hello everybody!

I haven't posted in quite some time.  I think I'm in a funk. I never seem to have things to say, nor do I even desire to talk when I'm in a funk- so funky must be where I'm at these days.  I wish I was in the Funky Town from that 80's song- it sounds like more fun than the Funky place I'm at.

I have been walking every day (for the exception of a small handful of days due to extreme heat and humidity) in an effort to strengthen the lower half of my body. So far my snazzy new Sketchers shoes have toned my legs and toosh, and I'm pleased about that. Unfortunately, my back has decided that it is tired of playing nice and went out again yesterday.  That, I am not pleased with.

I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be learning through all of this.  How am I supposed to find employment, or go to school full time if I can't even live a normal life for more than 2 to 4 weeks without my back going out? I'm mentally worn out.

I have started reading "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore.  I'm memorizing scripture (one passage so far) per her request while I read the book. I like the book so far. I'm learning more about God and the Bible, but it isn't getting to my heart...it's just all head knowledge. 

Part of my funk makes the desire to do anything, including reading hard, so I have to make myself do things.  I'm much better at making other people do things. :)  I should practice my persuasion skills on myself. The problem is I know what I'm doing- so I cannot fool myself. I would be finished with that book if I wasn't in such a funk.  I'm not depressed, I'm in a funk. I refuse to get depressed, but it is obvious I'm fine on some level with being in a funk. Which is somewhat contradictory- I'm going to have to explore why that is acceptable to me.

I read a devotional today that said to help me with my pain I should get out and help people. I will admit that helping anyone has not been something I've desired to do. In fact, I've pretty much built a nice little world for myself since losing my job in March where no one can come in and hurt me, betray me, lie to me, throw me under a bus, use me, walk on me, abuse me, persecute me, or just plain take advantage of me.  Just what Satan wants, but not what God wants.  My issue is I don't know where to help because the thought of helping someone else when I can't even seem to help myself isn't appealing to be brutally honest. 

I am not sure I have the mental and emotional energy.  People seem to wear me out lately. Heck, life is wearing me out...that is so pathetic that it makes me sad. :(

I recently shared with a friend that I was afraid to have friends, or be a friend, or get involved in activities with other women because I am tired of getting hurt.  I didn't know just how tired I was of being hurt by people over the years until I lost my job this year. I also didn't realize just how angry I was deep down from turning the other cheek from all my past hurts over my life, until I lost my job.  I have had to ask God to help me deal with and free me from my anger and my hurts. I have SERIOUS trust issues as a result from my termination, and I am certain it is all a part of my funk.  I want to trust people, yet at the same time, I don't.  People are mean.  I never, ever thought I would say or believe that. 

Normally I like funky. :) Not funky smells, or being in a funk, but funky things, funky colors, funky people or songs. Those make life interesting.  I wish they sold maps that could help you get out of Funky-ville.  I think Rand McNally would make a killing if they had maps of Funky-ville. Think of all the drugs people wouldn't have to take, and all the money spent on therapy that could be spent on something else if we just had a map of the darn place with a clear idea of how to get out of there.

I am somewhat hoping that getting this out there and off my chest will be cathartic in some fashion. It is hard to admit I'm afraid to have friends and do things with or for other people. It's sad that I've lost my faith and trust in people...maybe I need a map for that, too. Maybe I should set out on an adventure to find that faith and trust...like a buried treasure.  I'm know that we aren't to put our trust or faith in people, only in God, but to an extent I believe we have to trust people and have faith in them- I'm just not sure why.

Well, this has been a rather gloomy post, eh? Wow I need to watch stand up comedy and take some St. John's wort before I have all of you in a funk, too. :)